The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
