i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
