I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
