I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
