What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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