hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
