I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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