do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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