His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
