I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
