last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
