well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
