Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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