Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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