Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize