I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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