How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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