My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
