So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
