margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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