carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
