yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
