We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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