I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
