wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
