peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
