Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
