Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize