Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
