You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Randomize