ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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