Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
