After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
