are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
