I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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