Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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