Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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