Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
