please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
As shirtless as possible
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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