I hate all girls vehemently.
I just saw a hot homeless man
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize