new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
