she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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