I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
