there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
