So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize