Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
