i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
