I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
