The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
