I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
