Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
