Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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