I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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