Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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