he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
