well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize