Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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