I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
