im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
