She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
