Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
