I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
