I puked a lego.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize