If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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