census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
