This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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