first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
