Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
