wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
