I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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