I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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