And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
