Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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