I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
