$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
