The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize