i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
