I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He better not be in your backpack
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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