I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
