his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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