Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
