my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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