How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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