I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
