ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
