I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize