she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
