While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
