No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize